1. |
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hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2. |
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we threw rocks at the metal signs
arts center? red line?
only kudzu and concrete now, green and grey
and black remind us of the city our grandparents knew
we left our mark: hand prints traced
on tunnel walls, vacant and ancient
our lonely echoes bound us in the remains
of someone's home
heaven is --
heaven is a strange feeling
we gathered in great number at the
radio tower temple of the old voices
red and white and impossibly tall
a shining symbol of a lost technology
silent now, the towers
ache, creaking, blown by strong winds
we imagine them as sentinels
standing tall as the city collapsed around them
now we're strangers in a strange time
the guardian angel overlooks
strange graffiti etched into the ground
in this city even statues burned
and even statues rise up again
the building face is worn, its bricks dull and
crumbling fast in acid rain remains
i'm alone, a sheep wanders far from
its flock in a weaving and shifting path
now we're strangers in a strange time
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3. |
closet calling
04:34
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look her over, empty foyer
breathing slowly, stepping slower
feeling wild, like a child
fight-or-flighting, mercy mild
in the right place
at the wrong time
where is my guiding light
in her internal night
where has my angel gone?
stairs ascending, shoulders tensing
door is open, odd, inviting
closet calling, my sleepwalking
dreamlike body, fainting, falling
inside i see only dust and ash
except a box on an upper ledge
i find no bones, just a photograph
in ink the border reads “2019”
two figures sit, laughing, on a bench
one face is mine
where is my guiding light
in her internal night
where has my angel gone?
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4. |
baseball field
03:57
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a gentle rain
can't heal the grass
on the baseball field
petrichor
and cigarettes
and empty bottles of gatorade
you took my arm
and pointed at
some circling crows
said something died
the summer heat
steam rises from the parking lot
filter smoke from your mouth oozes slow
tobacco honey fills my secondhand lungs
all these parts of me i got from you
all these patterns, what was i before
kiss me deeper, make me forget
kill all the ghosts inside my house
we duck under
the bleachers
it's raining harder now
our clothes are drenched
so are our souls
i'm weighed down by your gaze
you grab me by
the collar of
my baseball tee
my cheeks are red
and so are yours
i can't look you in the eye
filter smoke from your mouth oozes slow
tobacco honey fills my secondhand lungs
all these parts of me i got from you
all these patterns, what was i before
kiss me deeper, make me forget
kill all the ghosts inside my house
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5. |
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the moon rises up through the gaps in the teeth
of the city
i feel the warmth and the wet of your skin
on my shoulder
your bite leaves a bruise on my chest and i'd be
lying if i said i didn't like it
but you still come away with a part of me
dripping from your lips
trying hard to say something
trying hard to stay sober
looking down toward the street below
trying hard not to listen to the call
of the void
you always said that the voices in clouds came
directly from god
you always kiss me when i object --
/
i hear heaven is a place on earth but if that's true
then where is it?
if heaven is a real location wouldn't that
make hell real too?
trying hard to say something
trying hard to stay sober
trying hard not to settle the score
trying hard not to listen to the call
of the void --
and i fall
and i fall
and you reach out
and you save me
and you saved me
and you saved me
and you save
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6. |
dead hands
04:53
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i don’t deserve you
tattered sweatshirt strings
like a noose. like a leech
i can’t let you go
your tough love, your rough hands,
sharp claws pierce my chest
like a blade. like the moon
eat all my bad dreams
returning to the graves we dug
we buried mothers, daughters
they won't stay dead, we will not
we rot but cannot die
hyphae reaching prying stones apart
there are no gods to pray to anymore
no part to play but part of us: our heart
beats loudly under earth, emergent
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7. |
in memoriam
06:16
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8. |
red hands
06:30
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wild field of concrete
you shoved me and i scraped my knee
i can't fight back, my heart's not in it
we never wanted this to begin with, no
i always bore your burden
from when the lights dimmed to curtain call
i can't stop now, can only back down
as you hold your knife, trembling, at my throat
red blood, forsaken me, my heart is in your hands
hurt me, kiss me, haunt me
tell me you don't want me
reach inside my chest and
do your very worst and
i don't think i'll ever love like this again
i don't think i'll ever love --
your shaking hand leaves a gash
gasping, three inches bleeding black
you say you didn't mean it, of course you didn't mean it
but next time i have to hope you do
you're towering above me
a drop of blood splashes my cheek
back away slowly, leave me on the ground
you'll start to feel guilty if you stick around
red blood, forsaken me, my heart is in your hands
hurt me, kiss me, haunt me
tell me you don't want me
reach inside my chest and
do your very worst/best and
i don't think i'll ever love like this again
i don't think i'll ever love --
i hear your tears as you run away
my hand moves to my throat instinctively
pull away, bleeding out, can't get up
my voice is broken as i scream for help
ooooooooooohhhh
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9. |
wax figure
03:19
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these days
i’ve been burned out
melted down
and remade
breathe me
shallow swallow whole
ash
you should know: i’m not asking
to be saved
i think we’re past the point
of drying eyes and scratching throats
you should know: i don’t owe you
anything
i think we’re past the point
of taking this with grace
these days
i’ve been cast
aside
to die
you should know: i’m not asking
to be saved
i think we’re past the point
of drying eyes and scratching throats
you should know: i don’t owe you
anything
i think we’re past the point
of taking this with grace
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10. |
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we threw rocks into window panes
we toppled statues, set ourselves aflame
are we playing pretend again?
i may be lonely but i’m not desperate
lightning strikes the tower, and
i feel the thunder shake me to my core
i know you only want the best for me
or are you only trying to settle a score
consider, consider, consider
that the wheel you turn can’t turn forever
that one day the cycle has to break
you just have to live with the wrongs you can’t right and
heaven is a cold dead place
heaven is a cold dead place
heaven is a cold dead place
heaven is a cold dead place
i’ve come back here to ask myself
if what we’ve been through means anything
it’s a prayer that goes unheard
a vacant whisper into parts unknown
lightning strikes a second time
the house is burned to blackened earth
i can’t see you but i think i feel you
i can’t feel you but i know you’re there
consider, consider, consider
that the ones you haunt won’t live forever
that one day the cycle has to break
you just have to die with the wrongs you can’t right and
heaven is a cold dead place
heaven is a cold dead place
heaven is a cold dead place
heaven is a cold dead place
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11. |
alive hands
01:04
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12. |
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we'd put ourselves in danger
make pacts to run away
just to see if we'd grow up
to be teenagers someday
but you moved across town
and i lost my anchor
tried so hard not to drown
sank to the bottom and came up gasping for air
now here we are at 25
rage and spite keep us alive
we never thought we'd make it here
but what's next for us? what's next for us?
1 am
one way ticket downtown
one more prayer for salvation
as we descend, descend, descend
take us away
take us where we belong
close our hearts in metal cages
drain the air from our lungs
this is home now
this is our home now
we are saved
without having changed
/
i think i finally know you
your floating face in the mirror
your wide eyes on the cover
of every book i've read
i thought you were my angel
the stranger at my side
you were my final friend
witness to endings i’m not sure made sense to me
WE WERE ATTACHED, you and me, connected invisibly
breaking apart, out of time, falling like autumn leaves
our fates intertwined, and now half of me’s gone
what’s next for us? what’s next for us?
1 am
one way ticket downtown
one more prayer for salvation
as we descend, descend, descend
take us away
take us where we belong
close our hearts in metal cages
drain the air from our lungs
this is home now
this is our home now
we are saved
without having changed
hang onto your ghost, my friend
i think i misheard what you said
but i'll play it back again
we were strangers til the end
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vivi mouse Atlanta, Georgia
sleepy soul. trans lesbian trainwreck.
shoutouts to under the couch.
for commission info, email me at vivian@vivimouse.com.
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